I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
