I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
