i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
