I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
