Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize