i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
