Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Two words: blizzard sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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