omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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