Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
