Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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