you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
