i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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