That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
