im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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