you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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