I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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