I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
