i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
only if we run a train.
done.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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