Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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