but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
