so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
