It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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