sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Houston, we have a blender
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
