girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
