Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
