So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
