oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
