thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
