I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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