It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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