I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
