You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you had me at cake vodka
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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