i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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