just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
