She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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