I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
