if you like me you must not know who I am
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
