Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
