i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We are two peas in an std pod
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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