This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
