had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just invented taco cereal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
