I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
