That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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