I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
