i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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