I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
