PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
