they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
