There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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