When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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