you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
