We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
