I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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