look no pants
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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