A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's always time for handjobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
