I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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