my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize