can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
