drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
