So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
