maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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