somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
