he wants to bone in the snuggie
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
birth control should be required to get into college
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
