the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
