You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
