I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
