Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
