you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She bit a glass in half.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
