Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
