Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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