Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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