Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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